After Shave and Vehicular Radar

Two things are on my mind today (aside from idiot drivers.)

 

First, I see that Infiniti has a new thing in their cars called the "Blind Spot Intervention System," where the car will sound an alarm if you try to change lanes into a location where a car may have been hidden in your blind spot.

 

You're not going to believe this, but I actually have had this system in each car I've owned, the current one being a 1987 Corvette, but it has a slightly different name. In this system, a device called "my face" is mounted on something called "my head," and swivels on this thing called "the neck." Okay, now stay with me - I know this sounds very technical and complicated, but, somehow, the head knows that I'm about to change lanes, so it swivels on the neck, and allows the face to SEE if there are cars in the lane next to you. It's a remarkable system, but it's been available on vehicles all the way back to the old 1895 Benz Motorwagen. The system even has the same name as it has had all these years: it's called, "Looking."

 

The other thing that's bugging me is a bit weirder. I usually use after shave lotion after I shave, the electric shaver can be a bit irritating. So, as I pick it up today, I notice a warning on the back of the bottle which says, "Caution: Do not use on broken, irritated, or sore skin." Now, no broken skin I understand, that's bad, and I think people with leprosy have bigger things to worry about than tightening their pores. But irritated and sore? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that the purpose of after shave lotion? That's a lot like saying, "Don't take this headache medicine if you are experiencing headaches." Or, "This wall paint should not be used to cover up other colors." Or even, "Don't watch this Vin Diesel movie if you have problems with low self-esteem.

 

Or does the lotion company have another solution, maybe? They want me to buy another product to soothe the irritated skin, BEFORE putting on the after shave lotion? In which case, the after shave lotion serves WHAT purpose, again? Trust me, I want the stuff to soothe the irritation, I don't just have this overwhelming need to feel that my face is slightly damp. Know your place, after shave people.

 

WAIT, I figured it out - the after shave is designed to enhance the effectiveness of "the face" so it's easier to spot cars in your blind spot. The companies are working together, maybe!

 

No? Hm. Thought I was on to something there. What was my point again?

 

Oh, I remember - bad drivers suck.