Okay, I want to get something out of the way first. I don't usually get too "serious" in my blog, and there will be humor later, but I need to say this. This oil disaster in the gulf is heartbreaking, and my thoughts and prayers go out to the families of the 11 lost workers, and the working families whose lives and livelihoods are impacted by this catastrophe. Initially, I didn't blame BP for the actual explosion itself - and frankly, I still don't think they were mostly to blame for the equipment malfunction itself. The company that owned, operated, and maintained the equipment would be the more logical target. However, unless you're an investigator, that's no longer the point. The point is, BP has agreed to take care of the mess, so they should, y'know... do that.
Right now it seems like little to no time is being spent actually enacting these fixes that they talk about. It sounds like they have decided that the "relief well" is going to be the only valid solution, and so why bother putting their full effort into anything else? They don't have the ability to stop the damned leak, but they DO have the ability to set up a live feed on the ocean floor, showing us just how unsuccessful the efforts to stop it have been? Really? That would be like saying, "Hey, we don't have the technology to land on Mars yet, but we DO have the ability to build remotely a perfect 1/8th scale erector set model of Manhattan Island. On Mars."
To borrow a phrase from a friend of mine, "Put a brick on it." (I call this method the "Kaged Thunder.") I mean, if BP had spent as much time coming up with logical solutions as they spent on coming up with cool names for their projects, they'd have it stopped by now. Seriously, we've had the "Containment Dome" (or ConDom for short...) the Top Kill, the Junk Shot, and the Top Hat (which, by the way, they never used. They lowered it to the ocean floor and then... what? They certainly never tried it.)
Their latest attempt involves robots slicing a clean cut through the pipe, and then capping it with one of four different devices, which are basically just variously configured top hats. And do you know what they call this method? They call it... wait for it... "Cut and cap." That's it? That's more a description than a name, isn't it?
To me, this is a sure sign that BP has given up. If they've lost the will to come up with clever names, they've lost any desire to actually fix the problem. Not that they won't keep trying, but I have a feeling they'll be half-hearted attempts, because they already have their hearts set on the relief well being the only cure.
If imagination is the problem, let me help, please. I can come up with clever names for your projects, so you guys can refocus your energy on something that actually matters, like actually FIXING THE PROBLEM. Here are some thoughts:
1. Take the current project, for example. A bunch of stiff robots, clumsily going through a series of intricate choreography. Instead of "Cut and Cap," I recommend we call this, "The Kate Gosselin."
2. How about stacking a mile long column of bad DVD's, then sliding that into the broken pipe? This could be called, "The Gigli."
3. How about giving a stand up comedian a once-in-a-lifetime shot at stopping the leak, only to be replaced by another who demands the opportunity? You could call it "The Leno," just don't be surprised when the replacement doesn't do any better than the other....
4. Listen to James Cameron's shamelessly self-promoting idea, which involves using something called "Unobtanium" to congeal the oil before it leaves the pipe. He calls it "Ava-TAR." Seriously, will someone get this guy a hobby?
5. Get the Dharma Initiative to build a small room around the leak. In this room, place only a computer and a small chair. Every 3 seconds, someone must press the Space Bar, or the leak will start again, destroying the room and anyone in it. You can call this one, "WHY THE HELL WAS THERE A CORK IN THE ISLAND?!?!"
6. Have Jesse James be the one in charge of pressing the Space Bar in example 5. This way, we'll finally be rid of him and he'll be someplace where we know he can't cause any more problems. I call this one "The Waste of Space."
Okay, here's one last idea. If you don't like this one, I don't know what to tell you. How about a group of people who make an obscene amount of money (no, not the NBA) puts their heads together (IMPORTANT: This means your heads will have to be out of your asses) and comes up with a plan to fix what should be a less-than-impossible problem. Don't worry about 4 months from now. Fix it now. Don't worry about trying to pass the cost on to your customers - you screwed it up, don't expect someone else to pay for fixing it for you. You could call it "The BP," instead of what it's currently called, "The Fantasy World."
Oh, and for the love of God, if people want to offer you ideas, fine, but stop asking the general public to come up with an idea to fix it. This is part of what your scientists and engineers get paid for out of your ridiculous yearly profits - it's damage control. And it really makes you look even sillier and more incompetent than you already appear.
If you think I'm being unreasonable, consider this final thought: in all the times I've visited a hospital in my life, I have yet to see a doctor run into the waiting room and yell at the patients, "Quick, who knows how to set a broken bone? I have never seen anything remotely like this!"
That's all for now....
No comments:
Post a Comment