I would like to take the next few lines to contemplate some of the great mysteries of the universe.
Mystery 1: Why is the Texas Panhandle called that? Texas looks nothing like a pan. That would be like calling the big bend in the Mississippi River between Iowa and Illinois the “Iowa Hershey Bar.” I guess they figure “panhandle” sounds better than “Square Nub” or “Tiny Top Hat.” In fact, none of the states with a panhandle actually look like pans. Oklahoma is the closest, looking a bit like an overturned Jiffy Pop tin, but even that state looks more like a flipped-over baseball cap, waiting for Missouri to pick a number out of it. The panhandle state I find most baffling, though, is Florida. Do we really need all of these clever names for geographic locations? Can’t we just say “North Texas” instead of panhandle, or “Southwest Arkansas” instead of “ArkLaTex” or “Western Florida” instead of panhandle? Do we really want to draw any more attention to Florida’s shape? Is it in our best interest as a country to have people thinking, “Hmm… Florida doesn’t look like a pan. I guess it looks more like a… OH MY GOD! THAT’S DISGUSTING!”
Mystery 2: How, exactly, did the Nazi’s have nothing better to do with their time than try to hunt down a dog and its owner because of an obscure trick they heard that it might have done once or twice in the past? And this was only a few months before they invaded the Soviet Union, so, I’m thinking there were probably more constructive uses of their time. Seriously, I’m not making this story up. Look here: http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5iygblpWORCla_T-iETmWHayJkfFQ?docId=1101acd28dae47b594fce0e29fde0ed2
Seriously, this is one of the best things I’ve read in a long time. In a classic case of “eff the man,” the owner of the dog (Tor Borg) got out of it simply by denying it while facing a Nazi Tribunal. I mean, can we talk for a second about the colossal cajones required for such an action? The owner literally said, “My wife called him Hitler once, but it wasn’t a big thing, and the dog doesn’t do the salute anymore.” And in a classic case of “Nazis are crazy bastards“ they embarked on a “fact-finding” campaign… against the dog…. They even had a pharmaceutical company offering to destroy Borg’s wholesale business by cutting off their supply ties with him, but prosecution ultimately had to be abandoned because they couldn’t get any of the witnesses to testify to it. Did I mention they were in the midst of planning their invasion of the Soviet Union? And this is what they were concerned with?
In a related story, the Axis lost the Battle of Berlin because too many SS officers were scanning the German precursor of DARPAnet trying to find more pictures of this cat:
Mystery 1: Why is the Texas Panhandle called that? Texas looks nothing like a pan. That would be like calling the big bend in the Mississippi River between Iowa and Illinois the “Iowa Hershey Bar.” I guess they figure “panhandle” sounds better than “Square Nub” or “Tiny Top Hat.” In fact, none of the states with a panhandle actually look like pans. Oklahoma is the closest, looking a bit like an overturned Jiffy Pop tin, but even that state looks more like a flipped-over baseball cap, waiting for Missouri to pick a number out of it. The panhandle state I find most baffling, though, is Florida. Do we really need all of these clever names for geographic locations? Can’t we just say “North Texas” instead of panhandle, or “Southwest Arkansas” instead of “ArkLaTex” or “Western Florida” instead of panhandle? Do we really want to draw any more attention to Florida’s shape? Is it in our best interest as a country to have people thinking, “Hmm… Florida doesn’t look like a pan. I guess it looks more like a… OH MY GOD! THAT’S DISGUSTING!”
Mystery 2: How, exactly, did the Nazi’s have nothing better to do with their time than try to hunt down a dog and its owner because of an obscure trick they heard that it might have done once or twice in the past? And this was only a few months before they invaded the Soviet Union, so, I’m thinking there were probably more constructive uses of their time. Seriously, I’m not making this story up. Look here: http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5iygblpWORCla_T-iETmWHayJkfFQ?docId=1101acd28dae47b594fce0e29fde0ed2
Seriously, this is one of the best things I’ve read in a long time. In a classic case of “eff the man,” the owner of the dog (Tor Borg) got out of it simply by denying it while facing a Nazi Tribunal. I mean, can we talk for a second about the colossal cajones required for such an action? The owner literally said, “My wife called him Hitler once, but it wasn’t a big thing, and the dog doesn’t do the salute anymore.” And in a classic case of “Nazis are crazy bastards“ they embarked on a “fact-finding” campaign… against the dog…. They even had a pharmaceutical company offering to destroy Borg’s wholesale business by cutting off their supply ties with him, but prosecution ultimately had to be abandoned because they couldn’t get any of the witnesses to testify to it. Did I mention they were in the midst of planning their invasion of the Soviet Union? And this is what they were concerned with?
In a related story, the Axis lost the Battle of Berlin because too many SS officers were scanning the German precursor of DARPAnet trying to find more pictures of this cat:
Mystery 3: Assuming the following is true: 1. All matter is made up of atomic particles; 2. All particles are made up of subatomic particles, which are in turn made up of quantum particles; and 3. According to Feynman’s “Sum Over Histories,” all quantum particles occupy ALL possible places AND all possible time periods between two points, meaning that quanta exist in all places in both the past and future simultaneously; is it not possible, given the model of 11-dimensional space, that our physical bodies (made up of quantum particles) are merely projections into the 3 dimensions we currently see, and the 4th that we perceive (time) and that in fact, we exist in both the past and future, in a state which is both alive and dead simultaneously, and at times able to momentarily perceive the 7 remaining dimensions in which time is less linear, and more cyclical (like 3-dimensional space) thus making reincarnation, precognition, genetic memory, and afterlife scientifically viable theories?
I’m glad we had this talk. I know I feel better.
I’m glad we had this talk. I know I feel better.
